I’m baaaaaaaaack. So I’ve been working on a solid Top-10-of-2010 list to share with you guys, but there are just a couple more movies from 2010 that I want to see before finalizing the list. However, The Gay Superbowl (aka Oscars) are next Sunday night (and you can bet on an amazing Oscar predictions and preview column coming next weekend), so I thought before that I would take this time to pass out a few awards of my own.
(Speaking of superbowls, have you ever noticed that all four superbowls are in February? The Straight White Male Superbowl (THE Superbowl), The Gay Superbowl (The Oscars), The Black Superbowl (The NBA All-Star Game), and The Bieber Superbowl (The Grammy’s). It’s a little too much for 4 weekends in a row. We should just throw in a Douche Superbowl (UFC Fight), and a Terrorist Superbowl (a World Cup match) as well so everyone can be represented. I mean really.)
Anyway. In lieu of my normal Film Friday column with 3 recommendations, here are my 2010 Film Awards. There will be no “Best Picture” award because I have to keep the suspense up until my Top-10 list is released (although if you know me, it shouldn’t be that hard to figure out). I’ve mixed in the “real” awards with the sarcastic ones, so pay attention. Enjoy!
|The Ghost Writer: Soooooo Underrated.|
Best Actress in a Supporting Role: Hailee Steinfeld, True Grit
Best Retarded Teenage Boy Movie: Hot Tub Time Machine
Best Teen Movie Since Mean Girls: Easy A
Most Overlooked Movie: The Ghost Writer
Sexiest Actress: Mila Kunis, Black Swan (And it’s not even close. She basically melts the screen just by looking at it. Am I done looking like a pervert? Yes. Am I done thinking about Mila Kunis in Black Swan? No......no I’m not.)
Movie Most Likely to Make You Depressed and Question Everyone in Positions of Power and Give You a General Feeling of Hopelessness: Inside Job
Biggest Waste of $200,000,000: Tim Burton in making Alice in Wonderland.
Biggest Waste of $335,000,000: Everyone who went to see Alice in Wonderland.
Movie Most Likely to Make You Say “Did that really just happen?” More than 40 Times: Dogtooth (as I tweeted after I watched this, it is easily the most screwed up movie I’ve ever seen. Easily).
Best Actor in a Supporting Role: Mark Ruffalo, The Kids Are All Right (sorry Christian Bale, you were great in The Fighter but Ruff was better in this blogger’s opinion).
Comeback of the Year Award: Goes to movies in general this year. It was an incredible year for movies, nearly everything in my top 10 list is better than anything I saw last year, and that’s the honest truth. Plus, kudos to the Academy for nominating 10 really good movies for Best Picture this year. No complaints from me.
Best Oddly Sexy Actress: Noomi Rapace, The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (Piercings? Tattoos? Emo hair? Works for her.)
Best Random Scene: The Rowing Scene in The Social Network.
Best Musical Score: The Social Network (never would have thought that a member of Nine Inch Nails would create one of my favorite scores).
Biggest Letdown: Never Let Me Go (it was decent, but nowhere near its potential).
Biggest Surprise: The Fighter (I would say The Ghost Writer here but Roman Polanski directed it, so to say that it was a surprise that Polanski made a good film would be pretty stupid).
Best Cinematography: Black Swan
Best Documentary: Exit Through the Gift Shop
Best Creepy Mom: Jacki Weaver, Animal Kingdom (narrowly edging Melissa Leo in The Fighter)
Best 3D Movie/Only 3D Movie I Saw in 2010: TRON: Legacy
The “Not As Annoying As Usual” Award: Shia LaBeouf, Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps
The “Just as Annoying As Usual” Award: Gerard Butler and Jennifer Aniston for any movie they were in this year (they all kind of bleed together but I’m pretty sure they were both in one together).
|Moore gave a great, conflicted performance|
in The Kids Are All Right
Best Actress in a Leading Role: Julianne Moore, The Kids Are All Right (narrowly edging Jennifer Lawrence in Winter’s Bone).
The “Up and Coming Director” Award: Derek Cianfrance, Blue Valentine (although he worked on that movie for several years. Let’s see if he’s got another one in the tank.)
The “As Good As Advertised” Award: The King’s Speech (it would also get the “movie most agreeable to critics, movie-watchers and awards bodies” award, which is why it will win Best Picture, but more on that next week.)
Best Adapted Screenplay: The Social Network
Best Original Screenplay: Another Year
Best Dialogue in a Film: True Grit
Movie That Will Be Most Highly Regarded in Twenty Years: The Social Network (Yeah, I said it.)
Best Blockbuster: Inception
Gutsiest Studio: Warner Brothers, for letting Chris Nolan & Co. produce Inception, a completely original, non-franchise, non-superhero, non-sequel action thriller that you actually had to think a little to watch and wasn’t in 3D. And they got their money’s worth. Let’s hope this will encourage some studios to follow suit.
Best Actor in a Leading Role: Ryan Gosling, Blue Valentine (sorry Colin Firth)
The “Dear God Please Stop It” Award: Adam Sandler & Kevin James, Grownups.
The “Best Depiction of Mutilation of the Human Body” Award: 127 Hours (narrowly edging Winter’s Bone, Dogtooth, and Black Swan.)
|Will there ever be a better lead acting duo than |
Marlon Brando & Vivien Leigh? Don't count
Best Director: David Fincher, The Social Network (duh.)
And Finally...in lieu of a Best Picture of 2010 award, I give you an award for:
The Best Movie I Watched for the First Time in 2010:
A Streetcar Named Desire (1951)
(Words cannot describe the way I feel about this movie, although at some point I should try.)